Using Your Irritation, Aggravation, Frustration and Anger

     If you are an active, engaged human being, you will experience irritation, aggravation, frustration, and anger from time to time. We can all relate to those emotions. The real question is this: do you control your feelings, or do your feelings control you?

     I am inviting you to make a paradigm shift: you can learn to master these emotions and use them for your advantage and growth. The process is simple, but that does not mean it is easy.

     First, accept that your emotions are not caused directly by outside circumstances or by other people. You are not a victim of someone else’s actions, words, or attitudes. This requires a shift from victim thinking—“I am controlled by what is outside of me”—to ownership thinking—“I am responsible for my thoughts, actions, and feelings.”

     Second, understand that emotions are biological responses to your thoughts. Your thoughts come from the way you internally process events, people, words, and circumstances. The event itself does not have the power to create your emotion; your interpretation of the event does. Something happens. You think about what happened. Those thoughts create feelings. Those feelings influence your next thoughts and actions. Then the cycle continues—upward or downward. This is the spiral of thought, feeling, and action.

     Third, identify the thoughts, words, and actions that produce your feelings. Then take responsibility for replacing destructive thoughts, words, and actions with constructive ones that lead to better feelings and better outcomes. The words you use to describe what is happening—and the story you tell yourself about other people and their actions—are often the key to change. When you reframe the story, you create new possibilities for your feelings, choices, and results.

     This habit of reframing can be learned and practiced. You can own your thoughts, actions, and feelings—and in doing so, take greater ownership of your life.