Social pleasing is a polite, accommodating habit of extreme niceness for the purpose of being liked and accepted by others. A social pleaser would never say anything that might cause upset or disturbance in the other person.
We’ve all heard of political correctness – well, I call this social correctness. A people pleaser always says what he thinks someone wants to hear. She will do whatever pleases the other person, even to their own harm and destruction! They would give their alcoholic uncle an iced cold beer because he complained of being thirsty!
The deep problem with social pleasing is that real problems never get addressed. Brutal realities of life and business get ignored, excused, and denied. Accountability is considered harsh, and personal responsibility is considered bullying.
A social pleaser avoids the confrontation of problems like the plague. They will put on a fake smile and say yes in the moment to almost any request, knowing that they should have said no (a forbidden word to the social pleaser). “I’m sorry” is a common phrase from their lips that comes from an underlying fear and concern of social rejection.
The cure for social pleasing is courageous love and a commitment to true service. If I really care, I will tell you the truth. I will be clear about boundaries. I will always seek to do what is in your best interest, even if it causes discomfort and some pain. I will attack problems, and always be clear and honest with people. A professional leader serves others by speaking the truth in love. He will ask questions and allow an uncomfortable silence that will uncover motives and attitudes. She will challenge the status quo and lack of results, and call people to a better place.
My challenge for you is to recognize where you are too nice, and step up to a mature world of open, honest communication that speaks clearly and provides deep service.