• Dave Beam

Quit Wrestling and Start Dancing


Compare wrestling and dancing.


Both require energy. Both typically involve two people in close contact.


Wrestling with someone wears you out. It is filled with struggle, resistance, and dominance. It is sometimes violent and requires aggressive movements designed to bring the competitor into submission. It is a win-lose sport. For one to win, he must defeat the other.


Dancing on the other hand is energizing and fun. As one person leads another, together they produce a beautiful expression of grace and cooperation. Music is involved. There is a mutual submission and cooperation with a goal of communicating affection, friendship, and beauty. The goal is to lead and follow and flow. In a great dance, both partners win! The question (great coaches ask great questions) is this: Are you dancing or wrestling with your business partners, managers and employees? Are you trying to dominate, control and win, or are you leading them to create beautiful win-win outcomes? Is the culture violent, hurtful, and aggressive, or filled with enjoyment, fun, and cooperation?


Many leaders think that it is impossible to create a joyful, harmonious low-drama workplace. I show my clients how they can have a beautiful culture by learning how to manage “agreements”, not people.


First, you must establish a few non-negotiables (core values) for the organization, followed by written agreements for each position. These agreements define clear expectations and consequences. These core values and agreements become the “heavy” in the organization. This system provides freedom within a tight accountability to written agreements. Such clear boundaries create the context to dance and create.


If you are tired of wrestling and ready for some dance lessons, give me a call!

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