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Quit Wasting Your Anger




Anger is an interesting emotion. It is upset and discomfort precipitated from a thought that something is not the way I believe it should be. Other words that describe degrees of anger include frustration, aggravation, irritation, annoyance, and agitation. Simply stated, you are not happy because something is not the way you want it to be.

If you leave your anger (or its various forms) unresolved, you are wasting it. And if it is intense enough, it is wasting you and those around you. Blowing up like a two-year old typically doesn’t advance your business and social relationships. Clamming up looks a bit better to others, but it wreaks havoc on your digestion, sleep, and general peace of mind. There is a productive alternative, and if you dare, here it is:

STEP 1: Discern why you are angry.

Get in a calm and quiet place, and clearly cross examine the thoughts that are creating your feelings. Why are you angry? What is it that you want to be different. Clarity around the answer to that question is critical in getting the most use from your anger. The anger is a warning light that says something isn’t right. It is an emotional expression of your judgment. See the red light, and then determine why it is flashing. Get a coach or friend to help you with this.

STEP 2: Determine the appropriate response to address the cause.

There is likely a conversation, a confrontation, an apology, forgiveness, or a decision that will resolve the inner conflict. It may be a simple choice to accept a situation that you cannot change or influence. It may be that you need to have a kind, engaging conversation with someone, like an employee, spouse, child or business partner. Avoidance and being unclear is unkind. In the absence of communication, the creative mind makes up dramatic and pessimistic stories. These myths and expectations must be debunked – through calm, loving inquiry, listening and conversation. New agreements and resolutions can be planted and nurtured in a garden of understanding.

STEP 3: Develop a habit of pro-activity.

Practice addressing problems and challenges quickly. Procrastination leads to bigger problems and complications. Keep current in relationships. If something is bothering you more than a day or two, commit to the necessary conversations and actions to bring closure and resolution. When you recognize your anger and take appropriate action to address the cause of it, your anger can serve you instead of master you. It becomes useful and not destructive.

Unresolved anger leads to callousness, bitterness, hatred, and lots of physical and mental baggage and problems. Responding quickly and appropriately to your anger by taking kind action leads to resolution, great relationships, and a happy life. Which will you choose?


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